Being a mom for just over 10 months, I’ve realized I have this thing called motherhood less than figured out.  It seems the longer I’m a mom, the more I realize there is to learn and also my daily need for wisdom and grace from the Lord in this role.  
In the culture we live in, there is a (sometimes unspoken) pressure to be more than we are intended for.  By nature, I’m a do-er and can thrive on being busy.  In the past, as a high schooler, collegiate student, and even young adult, I was involved in so many activities.  If there was a free evening, I seemed to find somewhere to serve or something to be involved in.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed each of the avenues I was involved in, and am thankful for that season and capacity to do so, but there was also a bit of burn-out and tendency to find my identity in the things I was doing.  
So here I am, home full time with a super active, crawling, pulling himself up, chatty (baby talk) 10 month old little boy.  There are days when it seems I should be doing more because I’m “not working”.  It’s in these moments while he’s napping or I have a few minutes to myself, that I start doubting what I’m doing and begin to believe lies that being Abram’s mom isn’t really enough.  I have a college and masters degree, love people, and like to help.  How is that being manifested in diaper changing, cleaning up vomit, grabbing cords before they go in his mouth, etc?
God has been transforming my heart and thinking about motherhood.  In the last month I’ve heard from multiple people as well as having confirmation from the Lord that this is where I am to serve at this season of life.   This is my main ministry: serving my family.  I’ve had to turn down some great opportunities to serve and have even felt those lies creep in again about not doing my part.  This morning the verse Romans 8:1-2 hit home: There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  
I’m realizing my sinful nature of wanting to please man and create my own law instead of resting in the freedom we have in Christ, and being obedient to where He has called me right now.  I’ve been challenged by some older women and also women who have younger children that motherhood is a huge ministry.  I have the opportunity to instruct, love on, and train a little boy that will hopefully one day know and serve God.  That is really scary, in all actuality :)  It’s my prayer that I would grab hold of this privilege with fervor, go to the Lord for help, and praise Him for the opportunity I have to invest in the life of our son.  

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Since we've moved into our house 3 years ago, grass has always struggled to survive and thrive.  This spring, we decided a patio would be a great addition in the back yard.  While at it, why not "spruce" up the existing yard.  It's fun to have projects, but about 1 hour into them, I'm reminded that they usually always take longer and cost more than you anticipate.

For some reason, our yard didn’t take shape in 45 minutes.  And Ty forgot to show up!  In fact, it is still in progress, so it’s really more like a 45 day makeover.

Step 1: Destruction

We had a great team help assist in removing the grass, leveling the ground, removing a tree and taking out the stoop.  (it helps to have a skid loader on site!)

front yard before

Joe is an animal in the skid loader!

Bye-bye redbud.  Though they are beautiful, this one had completed it's usefulness.  Dad manned the chain-saw.

Step 2: Laying sod in the front yard

It’s amazing to see no yard turn into lush lawn in 25 minutes.  Thankfully, the grass is still alive!  It’s been a treat to actually have grass to walk on versus the hard bumpy menagerie called our yard.  Luke was pretty pumped about the minimal excess.  (the estimate for the back yard is a different story!)  

the guys made quick work of it!

water, water, water, water...our recent bills are out of control!

leftovers

Abram loves to watch Daddy work in the yard

As the spring usually does, the weekends seem to fly by and fill with plenty of activities and events.  In April, Abram attended his first Veishea parade.  (well, he did go last year via his mother’s womb) and did well considering it was chilly and drizzly most of the morning.   We stopped for a super-dog on the way home.  (How do you go to a carnivalesque atmosphere and not consume something in the corndog/something fried/unhealthy category? )  We shared it, though I’m sure we would have each loved our own J  This event made me excited to begin making some more memories and traditions with our kid(s) in the future! 

my boys.

getting some attention from the cheerleaders...it helps she lives next door :)

surprisingly, the drums didn't freak him out

One of our favorites, the lawn chair drill team

my little man

so fun to have so many nations represented!

the one...

and only...

super dog.  

Seriously?  Is our baby really three quarters of the way to a year old??  That is a bittersweet reality.  Every stage of his development seems so fun and then something else happens and it's a different ballgame.  I cry every time I put away more clothes that don’t fit anymore all the while anticipating pool play dates with the new swim trunks I found for him.  With four teeth now, it seems like we have a little boy not a baby.  A few things we’ve learned in the last month:  Abram is getting to be a speed crawler and speed “talker”.  I do believe we have a social one on our hands.  He is realizing when people are entertained and tries to ham it up for more attention.  If there is a party, he’d like to be there...even if it means skipping naps (which isn't a good idea!)  He has become a parrot and loves to show people his mouth sounds and tricks. Oh, and he is really good at getting into ev-er-y-thing! If you have a basket you want dumped out, tissues you want torn up or cereal you want scattered all over the floor, he's your man! The other reality we’re facing isparenting, knowing we're two sinful people entrusted to raise a sinful child.  More on that later.
We’re so thankful for this gift God has given us in Abram!

WIth the birth of our newest niece, Abram now has 2 first cousins within 8 months of him with A names.  

He and I took a trip back to Kansas recently.  While there, he got to spend time with all cousins, including the two newest girls: Amity and Abigail.  I'm excited to see the Triple Threat grow to be buds in the years to come!

Enjoying some swing time with Isaac and Caroline.  And yes, he's pantless and has sweet potatoes on his face.  It's how we roll sometimes.

Baby Abigail

Trying to get a pic of the 3 kids...this sums up how it was going :)

Just checking to see if Amity has any teeth yet.

Not sure Amity had any say in the hand holding.

Meeting Abigail

Wow, she has eyes too.  I'm supposed to poke them, right?!

Ezri and Abram

March Madness is here and with it lots and lots and lots of basketball watching at the Jensen household.  Brackets were completed by all family members, including Abram (with a little assistance).  Last weekend we headed to the park to shoot some hoops and get him ready for the big dance.  I don't think he understood...

Other maddening items: (to keep with the theme)

A sick baby.  Earlier in the month, Abram looked a little rough.  After 2 days of a higher fever, he got a nasty rash, and was diagnosed with roseola.  He never cuddles and he only wanted to be held a few times, so I knew he was feeling pretty poor.  Thankfully, it didn't last long, and he's back to his energetic, boisterous self!  Though the rash looked awful, he was actually on the mend, so he would still smile and laugh.

The other day, I needed to change a diaper and was at Luke's office.  In the act of changing, Abram decided he wasn't finished, and peed all over his clothes and self.  I didn't have his diaper bag with any extra clothes, and needed to run errands.  The internal debate began: do I just go home and do errands another day, go home and change and then go, or just go as is?  I concluded the latter choice was best.  So I tossed a blanket over his half-naked body, ignored the "no shirt, no service" signs and hoped no one would pull back his blanket to reveal my Mom of the Year status!

This toy.  It is the simplest, most played with, yet incredibly ear wretching.  I have a love/hate relationship with our "hippie-toy" (as Luke calls it).

Finally, our baby boy is 8 months old!!  I can't believe we're 2/3 the way to a year.  He's becoming quite the entertainer and as parents we are laughing most days at his changes, interactions and personality.  I'm pretty sure we have a social one on our hands!

Here are a few highlights of our last month with Abram:

•  2 teeth!  That means fussiness, gallons of slobber and razors on his gums.  There was a reason we called him our little Piranha for a couple weeks.  Put your finger in his mouth at your own risk! 
•  Ma-ma-ma-ma.  I like to think he’s calling for me.  He also has a da-da-da-da and ba-ba. Being the parents, we’re just sure he’s calling us our names :)

(this is how I found him sound asleep 5 minutes after going to bed...)

• Crib jams.  Quite the mover when he sleeps (makes sense based on how much he squirms when he’s awake!), we often have to go rescue him when he can’t get turned back over, has an leg or arm dangling out of the slats or his head jammed in the corner of his crib.

• Belly. Laughs.  That could be two separate items as well as one.  His belly is growing.  Whatever we are eating, Abram would like a bite as well.  He smacks his lips when he sees someone eating, prepping himself for a feeding. He laughs.  And smiles a lot.  And there are few better things in life than hearing a good belly laugh!
• First ear infection.  After a week of ear pulling but no fever or much fussing, my motherly instinct (and a little encouragement from my sister) ended in a trip to the doctor.  Sure enough, he had/has an ear infection.  The doctor did comment Abram was the happiest baby he'd seen with an infection.  So antibiotics are on tap for the next week.  I must confess, I tasted the pink medicine, and it's every bit as good as I remember it from my childhood days!

• Weigh in.  At the doctor, he was weighed.  Granted he had on his clothes, but they can't be more than 5 ounces.  And he was: drum-roll please.....16 pounds!  That is a 2.5+ lb gain in the last month.  Do you think he's enjoying solids??  We were pretty sure he was gaining based on the cheeks he's developing.    

We're so thankful for this little guy!

Life lessons.

The other day, Luke was playing with Abram when he got home from work. The giggles, squeals, and grunts I heard from their wrestling match brought nothing but smiles to my face as I prepped dinner in the kitchen. Luke beckoned me to watch Abram’s excitement, his arms and legs going crazy. To be honest, I wanted to keep cutting the onions and peppers and continue cooking. After a couple minutes, I obliged the request. When I got in the living room, I was reminded of a sobering reality: I often elevate doing over being. We commented about how fast our little boy is growing and changing. Daily, sometimes hourly it seems, we see new changes in his little body, personality and skills. Being home with him during the day, I have the privilege of spending so much time with him and for that I’m so grateful. However, I’m starting to notice that I can start slipping into a mode where I elevate doing tasks more than being with him. It’s a hard balance at times. The laundry doesn’t wash, dry, fold and put itself away. Dinner doesn’t magically appear on the table. Toilets and tubs (I hate cleaning tubs by the way) don’t disinfect themselves. And yet, there is nothing like watching your child’s face light up when you get down on their level, play with them and give them one-on-one attention. Twice in the last week, someone who I don’t know has told me to enjoy every minute with Abram as he will be grown before I know it. Both people were a couple of generations older and I believe they have some life wisdom in sharing that with me. So I’m in a mode of learning the balance.

This mom lesson got me thinking about my faith as well. I often get caught up in the doing and fail to just be with the Lord. Just like Martha, (Luke 10) my fleshly self wants to be involved in so many activities, bible studies, service projects and miss the most important part: sitting at the feet of Jesus. The ironic part is when we sit with Him, the other aspects (loving others, involvement in activities) naturally happen as an overflow of what’s in us. Easy to say, difficult to live out.

Ultimately, when the day is done, I first want to be known as a child of God, wife and mom. May my actions, tasks and busyness not interfere with where my true identity should be.

Three times a year (once in the fall and twice in the winter/spring), we have a bit of tension in our household.  

You see, when we got married, it was fine that individually we cheered for "our" team when they played each other.  No harm done except for the loser, who had extra dishes to do that week. :) 

 With the arrival of a child, all of the sudden the challenge became more clear of who this little boy would cheer for. (which basically means what colors he'll wear on game day)  In order to minimize marital tension and stress, we came up with a compromise:  Abram wears the colors of the home team for each game*.

Farmageddon is back in Ames tonight.  May the best tractor team win.  

(p.s. in case you're wondering, the official score this year: KSU-1 v. ISU-0 )

*Yes, I realize he's wearing purple on a Cyclone home game, but we went on a walk outside, and he needed a hat, and that one looked good, and dad is at work to say otherwise :)

Or maybe it's that little growing guy that makes it seem so!  It's crazy to think 6 months ago, we were adjusting to a family of 3.  Six months later, we can barely remember what life was like prior.  We are so thankful for the gift Abram is to our family.  

The first few months were rocky at times with a pretty fussy baby.  It's so great to see those fussy times (at the moment) replaced with giggles, smiles and joy.  Abram is now talking; well, he can speak in sheep language (baa-ba-ba-ba-ba).  Maybe next will be an oink or moo :)  He loves to be with people and have eye contact.  If you don't, he'll squeal to let you know!  His other favorite things are eating, holding his own bottle, looking at books, dancing in the living room with mom, helping her cook, watching sports with dad and sitting up (with fewer and fewer topples) to play with toys. 

At his 4 month check up, he was in the 42 percentile for height and 1st percentile for weight.  As a mom, I was freaked, like I was starving my child.  He never lost weight so the doctor wasn't concerned, saying he'd hit a growth spurt at some point.  Since that time, he has strapped on the feed bag, and we've noticed several new rolls as well as an additional chin.  We go back to the doctor for a 6 month check up next week.  Based on my home calculations, he's gained at least 3 lbs in the last 2 months, so I think we're out of the woods!  

I'm thankful we can both still fit in the chair pictured above, and I cherish our time rocking, reading and singing together.  I know it won't be long before it has shrunk to the point where he won't sit with me anymore.  Until then, I'll take every moment I can get, or pray for a chair that miraculously grows!